M.I.A

I know that I've been less than social recently. Its not that I don't love and miss you all, I've just been busy busy busy.
nine hours of smiling and helping and being happy-go-lucky cheer monster, that could make anyone go crazy.
But I haven't forgotten about you, I'm looking forward to giving you all a big hug and hearing all your stories from the break.
 And I'm sure you are all just dying to hear all about my break/random thought brought on by my break, so I won't keep you waiting for much longer... (If you can't sense the sarcasm then it really has been to long since I've seen you)

Firstly it seems appropriate to make some resolutions, we are only a few days into 2010 after all.
First and foremost I NEED TO GET MY G2!
I'm saying by spring. I have a plan to get around the backlog which involves farm boys and mennonites but I've already said too much...

Secondly I need to get back to riding, and exercising in general. I feel sluggish and too soft, I want my muscles back. I'm thinking yoga.

Thirdly (this has been one almost every year) I need to stop procrastinating and get organized. Although I say this every year, this year seems to be the most important. I need to get my ass in gear so I can get into, remain in and succeed in university next year. This is very, very important.

The more I hang out with university students the more excited I am about next year and the less I want to be in high school. For me this isn't new year, nothing has changed yet except the numbers you write at the top of the page. Even next semester will be a nice change, new classes, new(ish) people, more free time to be filled in new(ish) ways (aka work, volunteering in the drama room, going home in the middle of the day, going home   after one class...) but the real change, the real excitement will come when I unpack my bags in a different city in a tiny, stuffy room that will be my home for the next eight months.
I don't know why I'm so excited, its not like I'm always the most outgoing person. I guess I'm looking forward to forcing this newness on myself.
If you're going to jump off the high dive, might as well do it head first, eyes closed and backwards.

Speaking of new, after my last family christmas dinner of the season (held after new years) which consisted of vodka pong, video games and life chats with the cousin(s), I have some new ambitions.
One is to be an au pair for a european family.
Apparently it is an amazing opportunity, not only do you get paid well but there are a lot of perks including free food, free trips around the country/continent, free language lessons if you don't already fluently speak the language, basically a lot of freebies.

It seems as though I have a craving for change, possibly with a side of freedom.

"... but I like sleeping in a nest"

I feel like I've disappeared, but I kinda like it.
I'm in my little hidey-hole, wrapped in warm blankets and a haze of sleepiness. I'm relaxed.
I'm sure I'll get bored eventually, there are only so many books in my house and only so many cookie recipes to try but until then I like it here in my little bubble.
I can pretend I don't have a mountain of work and things to do pilling up.
Feel free to drop by anytime though.

I don't care.
Fuck off.

I'm happy and I will choose to be happy, don't ruin it.
and stop fucking judging me.
I'm not like you, and I don't want to be.

Doubt it. I think too much about you, You think too little about me.
Guess I'll just shut up and put up with it, passive aggressively of course.
What else would I do, tell you what I'm feeling?
Where has that ever gotten me?

I will posses your heart

Death Cab.
Cool air.
Bright Colours.
Crunchy leaves.
Peppermint tea, with a hint tarragon and lots of honey.

After rehearsal (I've missed acting so much... just wait until I get on stage.), and a bus ride this walk home seemed perfect.

Fragile

Everyone seems so fragile.

I need you to be strong. I'm worried about you, I love you. Please be okay. You'll get through this.

I need you to be brave. Get back up on that horse that threw you off. You deserve to be happy, have the best and be loved. (You already are, and not only by me)

I need you to take a deep breath and not let the stress get to you. You're smart, you'll get through this. 

And I need myself to stop getting hurt. Bruised knee, burnt, cuts everywhere. Jeeze Molly, pull it together. 

And stop procrastinating! You aren't in university yet, you still need to get in. Do your work, study and start busting your ass. The real world is waiting...

Decay

My body is breaking down
my muscles
my insides
my head.

but for once my mind and heart are good, not perfect, but good.
I may be stressed and worried and falling part but I am happy.
What more can I ask for?