Like shadows in a faded light

Am I invisible?

I think I may be, but I can't tell

is this self-inflected or an oversight or does it have a purpose?

I suppose everything does.

Still...

Cabin Fever

I'm going stir crazy. I can't stand these four walls anymore. The rain, once my friend, is now my captor. Can't walk anywhere, can't bus anywhere because that would involve walking to and from the bus stop and waiting out in the open. Umbrellas are useless, mist sprays dampening you and puddles cause cold legs and feet. I'm stuck.

Everyone is gone, or going, or busy, or sick (feel better). Luckily I have a loyal friend who is never busy, just a bit stubborn.

When the rain took a break from pouring, we took a walk.

Open me up

I'm a dumb, dumb, silly girl. I almost ruined one of the most important relationships in my life because I was too afraid to speak up, to afraid to connect and leave myself open and raw and exposed. Dumb, silly girl you need to relax, just breathe and stop listening to that little voice in your head whispering negative, untrue things and sending icy electric shocks down your arms.

I promise to make it better, to stop being a coward, to stop listening to the voice in my head. I'm scared but I will overcome it.

I love you

Hibernating

I haven't left the warm comfort of my bed for more than five minutes today, I can't seem to bring myself to leave my cave. It's warm, and safe and I can shut off my mind and stare blankly at moving images on a glowing screen.

But, as usual, my body doesn't agree with my mind. It's itching to get out and do something, interact with people, get some fresh air.

Maybe just ten more minutes....

Let's go

I'm feeling trapped. Same routine, every day. This was supposed to be about being free and flowly and carefree. Its summer, sleep in and stay up late, lay about and do nothing.

But not an empty nothing, if that makes sense. Fill the space between us. Words or silence, but some words would be nice. Just a little exchange, memories, thoughts, ideas, plans. Relaxing, outside (I need fresh air, not the stale hot air in the car, the window only delivers so much.)

But we're always moving, you're always moving, go! go! go!

I need to stop, want to stop. 

I need my time alone, but I don't want it. I like the energy of other people, and the feeling of sitting next to one person in particular. I'll suck it up and endure hot stuffy car rides, the loud screeching of metal on metal, the spiders, the early mornings.... and I'll try and be a good sport and keep my inner bitch in check. 

My time alone is too lonely. The air inside is too warm, too heavy, too much.

Outside is cool and refreshing (I missed the rainfall, I wish I hadn't.)  

So let's go, let's go lay outside on a blanket on the grass and just watch the stars (and not ask "watch them do what?" because that's the point) or sit high up above everything else and watch the sun rise, fighting sleep with caffeine and sugar, let's go do nothing and make it memorable.

I just warp

Broken toenails/ bruised toes, random scratches and bruises, your own sweat mixed with other's sweat, dirt...

Thank you Anti-flag

Thank you Alexisonfire

Thank you Hello Beautiful

It was well worth being pushed around, in fact the pushing just made it better.

An Abundance of Katherines

Yesterday and today were/are going to be filled with them.

After a lovely lunch outside at Pane Fresco yesterday with Katie, filled with gossip, stories and memories of France we wandered around some what aimlessly, got a little too much sun, browsed wedding dresses (we aren't crazy, I promise, just silly girls) and met up with Kate. From there we bused it to our houses (with a pit stop for me for some water I didn't need...)

Somehow we all managed to meet at the end of my street with zero planning or use of cell phones, a miracle or just a coincidence, and proceeded to walk to my house to get ready to "interact" with some spanish and italian visitors ("MOLLY! MOLLY! MOLLY!")

Sadly the later didn't show. Ah well, I had fun with my silly girls. Late night, running to McDonalds, swearing in french, last night goes into the vault of summer memories.

So far the vault has some gems (the beach on our first day of freedom comes to mind), there hasn't been one empty day so far this summer and that's the way I like it, got to keep busy or its just a waste.

Now it's off to Warped with Kate (+ two), bring on the crowds, sun and good music.

we recreated this, it was nice but Parisian sun somehow feels better than Canadian sun. 

I don't know how to begin...

Anything. Starting is always the hardest.

It seems my brain has too many filters, anything I try to say gets edited, and edited, and edited...

in the end I say nothing, or very little. Hardly anything of importance.

Occasionally I let something slip and say something dumb and I remember why I have the filters in the first place, because nobody likes a crazy girl.

So I don't start conversations, even if I have something to say. I'll just sit there, chewing my lip, until someone asks what's on my mind.

But I'm starting this blog and fingers crossed I'll stick to it

and hey, maybe some of my thoughts will get passed the filters and onto the (web)page.

p.s Thank you to my Katherines for the inspiration, I love you both.