On my own... here we go

My mind is set on overdrive

The clock is laughing in my face

In an attempt to grow-the-fuck-up and learn to be more independent I am trying to be okay with all this.

The other day I saw his new home, new life. It was overwhelming. and harder than I thought. I'm used to him being around and being able to see him. I want to be in constant contact with him, I'm constantly fighting the urge to text him. I'm trying not to be the psycho bitch girlfriend, clingy and whiny and jealous. Shoot me if I do.

Okay so I might have, sorta, kinda, been that girl.

But only slightly and I did have a bit of a reason.

We talked though, briefly and unfortunately tearfully on my part.

He wants freedom, I understand that. Eighteen years he has waited to be out on his own, his parents are giving him space and I should too. He doesn't want to have to give me a play-by-play of his day or feel like he can't go out and enjoy his university experience. I don't want him to feel like that either.

From my side I don't want to be forgotten or ignored. I've been left behind, waiting in the gate for another year before I can go out and join the race. I don't want to feel like I'm bothering him by wanting to talk to him, I want him to want to talk to me. And yes, I'd like him to stay away from other girls completely but that's crazy and unrealistic. He will have friends that are girls, as long as I'm his only girlfriend I'm okay with it. I know I can trust him and I do, now its just time to trust the other people.

I also may be a wee bit jealous of the fact that he is out of here and closer to the real world than I am. I want to get out so badly, unfortunately I'm stuck in the high school world which starts again tomorrow.

I don't know if I'm ready.

Deep breath.

"It will all be okay."

And Repeat.